dhaifina

2009-09-05T05:14:00.001-07:00

People don`t voice out their opinions or feelings.
As much as I am the black sheep and resident rebel, the main thing that I don`t do is voicing out my thoughts.
Well, I did once before and got a smack right in the face.

You may think that you know me.
But sadly, none of ya`ll ever do.
Ya`ll have always judged me for being a spoilt girl who gets whatever she wants.
But let`s define your "whatever", shall we?
Material goods, right?
Material goods are secondary to me.
It makes me feel happy for a while.
What I crave the most from my parents is usually their attention.
By which, I get it in the wrong way possible.
I get their attention when I disobey them.
Like running away from home, I only got their attention for a mere hour.
I`ve always wondered if I`m in the wrong family and my real family is just waiting for me.
I doubt they knew about my counseling days.
I doubt they even care.
I guess what matters the most to them is that I`m alive and outta trouble.
I get good grades to shift their attention towards me.
Being the 3rd child with another younger brother is tough.
My eldest brother has got mommy by his side and my sister is daddy`s girl.
My younger brother has got the affection of both being the youngest.
For me, I`m just the girl who is the black sheep and humiliation.
Now that my sister has got a FT job, its back to mom nagging at me but doing nothing.
My mom is damn funny. She nags at me but when I tell her of my plans, she just snorts.
As far as I am concerned, my parents never believed in me.
They gave me tuition because I wanted it.
I don`t remember them ever saying "its okay, as long as you`ve tried your best."
They`d just be happy when I come home with good grades and be mad when I come home with Fs.
You don`t know how hard I`d always try to get their attention.
When my sister was in Adelaide, their attention were focused on her.
When my sister calls, I don`t get a hello or salutations, I get fucked `cause she had to spend one hour to hear my mom talking about me.
My brother couldn`t care less.
All he cares is that I am alive and well.
He tells me to be responsible when he is just a bloody hypocrite.
They tell me that I am an expensive and spoilt girl.
Don`t they know that what I want the most is just the same treatment they get.
Each time, I try so hard to measure up.
To make them proud and not be overshadowed by someone else`s achievements.
I feel like such a loser.
For letting all these silly feelings get to me.
Five other people in a house is lively for some.
But, its never for me.
With my grandma gone and my bestfriend M.I.A, I`ve never felt so alone before.

2008-02-05T20:48:00.000-08:00

I was too busy, snapping away with Sha's baby. LOL.

I've realised that my post have been rather emotional.

I've already told myself countless times that I wouldn't let anything affect myself.

heh.

And so, I shall post about yesterday's CNY performance in Jyss.

Unlike any other school, the students there don't have school today. LOL.

Okay, so the performances were okay.

Thrilling, I guess.

But the only reason I came was because Haziq was going to sing.

^-^ It was hilarious but i admired his confidence laaa.

Eventhough it was so "sengau", he still sang. LOL. xD

Back to basics was as usual, awesome.

Frc was alright, I reckon. but I still miss seeing UFC on stage.

M.O.P received the loudest applause.

like what steff said, "When you hear the loudest applause, that means Jeremy is on stage la"

I find that kid who popped the cutest!

I'm sure by the time he's in sec2/3, he'd be waaaaaaay better than Jer.

But, he was a tad stiff yesterday.

Anywaaaaaay, I guess it was alright la.

Okehhhhhh, I wanna go out.

Hee, dinnnnnnner! yes ahhh~

Hongbaaaaaao :D

2008-02-05T08:41:00.000-08:00

Baby, Let's kill the one thing that I love;

The performances were funny,
entertaing though.
What sucks was that wherever I went, there would always be something associated with him.
Gosh, I miss dancing.
I've been doing it since in primary school days.
haha, I was a malaydancer-cum-netballer.
I remembered having to dance for public performances.
LOL, and that Indian dance.
haha, it was hilarious.
I miss dancing every bit.
My malaydance teacher used to say that I pick up steps very fast. ^-^
daaaaaaaaaamn, I hate this feeling.
I hate no being able to do something cos of him.
shuckks,

Call me crazy;

2008-02-04T06:15:00.000-08:00

A conversation gone wrong;

Yan; Dhai, i wanna forget her ah.
Me; okay, forget lah.
a few seconds later..
Yan; She ignored me on msn sia.
Me; I would too if I were her. zzzt.

HAHAHA.
THIS IS LIKE MY 3RD POST.
I'M DRINKING STARBUCKS ZEN TEA.
THEY SHOULD LIKE ASK ME TO BE THEIR PROMOTER OR SOMETHING.
LMAO. ^-^

2008-02-04T01:53:00.000-08:00

I edited this for i-dunno-how-many-times.

I really can't bear to do something that you're so in love with;
and so, the passion should die.

2008-02-03T23:27:00.000-08:00

I'm currently munching on Starbucks' cookies.
HAHAHAHAHA, I can grow fat with no work on weekdays. :D
anywaaaaay,
I'm trying to make the stupid USB cable work so I can upload pictures.
tskkk, =.=
I wanted to blog fr fun.
yay, okeh bye.

P.S. haveeeeeeeeent get clothes la! grr.

2008-02-03T07:23:00.000-08:00

I'm super gaduper lazy to post pictures!
BUTTTTTTTT, i'll do it soon okeh. :D

Hee, yesterday was an outing with Girlf; Natty.
Headed to Parkway for latelate lunch at LJS,
walk2 around cos we wanted to look for things on Vday thingy. LOL.
Finally, headed to Starbucks to get my dosage of Raspberry Blacktea Latte.
BUUUUUUUUUUT, the barista didn't even put any raspberry.
and I couldn't taste it at first cos it was hot and i thought there's something wrong with my tastebud. $7 lehhh ~~
Cheat my feelings okeh, DON'T go to Starbucks Parkway.
PFFFFT, STUPID BARISTA~
Anywaaaaaaay, bus-ed to Rasa21 for family dinner.
It was what I expected it to be.
but I still had fun with my nieces & nephews. =.=

Today; had madrasah and went out with my family.
Ate lunch and dinner outside.
After which, met up with Aliman.
I swear he's like freaking late la everytime. pfffffffft~
OHHHH, NAQ TOLD ME THAT STEPUP 2 IS GONNA BE IN THEATRES ON 14FEB.
SOMEONE CAN DATE ME AND TREAT ME TO THAT PLEASEEEEEEEEE? ^-^

I want Raspberry Blacktea Latte pleaaaaaaaaase? ):
Starbucks Delivery laaaaa~

2008-02-01T19:40:00.000-08:00

Speechless;

A whole lot better than the most euphoric feeling on Earth.

In any case, It was raining very heavily.

That certainly put me in a mood to just sit on the couch with Starbucks Zen tea while reading Jodi Picoult's novels.

I dare say that I'm a total sucker for her novels. :D

This time round, I was reading `Picture Perfect'.

The book is really contradicting;

Eventhough the entire world sees you as flawless,

its always the other way round.

Like they say, Don't judge a book by its cover.

So, the book was really an eye-opener.

Gosh, I need to read more books like that.

Adult Novels, in a sense, help to nurture me to be a better writer/poet.

Anyway, both my two bestfriends are having the same problems!

see, told ya it'd be better if we were single.
& Rauf, you ass! I'm glad that yre not as crazy over it as you are with the whole Syira thing.

HAHAHA, focus on yr O'levels lah bestfriend!

Must get a B3 for malay keh. xP

Loveeeeeya, <3

Alright, I'm done folks.

The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star, <3

2008-02-01T02:44:00.000-08:00

Lethargy is consuming me,
and I haven't been doing anything rough or tiring today.
I've been thinking long and hard about things,
I've never come across this kind of situation before.
I guess thats because I can always persuade people into doing what I want,
& as Farhan Superman said, "You're good at playing mind games eh"
Jarnah also said, "Whenever you ask pple to do something, especially with yr 'please' eh. very hard to say no." Rofl.
I've never been in a situation whereby I'm supposed to coax a person.
Let me put it this way, it has always been the other way around.
God, Help me please.

I'm so new to this kind-of things. ):
At the end of the day, I'm only human yknow.
I'm no more wondergirl.

2008-01-31T22:59:00.000-08:00

Its raining cats & dogs,

hmmm.. I wonder why don't they change that phrase to cows and monkeys?

haaa~ sheesh, I'm like out of my mind right now.

bleaaaaaahs, :\

The rain spoiled my plan.

hee, I wanted to head over to JJ to slack alone.

but now, I'm super lazy to get my butt off the sofaaaaa.

I wanna sleep again lehhh. gaaah~

Like loner seh wanna go JJ alone.

HAHA, wanna know why?

Jarnah & Natasha has started working,

Sri is out having girlguides thingy.

Yan is too lazzzzzzy,

and well, for the rest, I just dunno when was the last time i went out with them.

I'm so saaaaaaaad.

Here's what I've been telling everyone;

"Hi, I'm rotting on weekdays & working on weekends. :D"

okehhh, maybe I'll go there when its not raining that heavily. ^.^

& to youuuuuuu,

I'm ohso sorry. It was meant to be a joke.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

ohshiiiit, it always falls back on my impulsive self.

*kick myself in the butt*

tssssssssk, I'm really sorry.

Please talk to me? ):

2008-01-31T05:39:00.000-08:00

& nothing beat the euphoric feeling

2008-01-30T21:01:00.000-08:00

Alright mates;
February is coming up,
& let's just say that there's alot of thing up on my calender. lmao~

Firstly, I just lost my ATM card. pfffft.
But I think that I just misplaced it somewhere in my super messy room.
HAHAHA, I think that I really need to clean it up but hell, I'm darn lazy. xP

Secondly, there's alot of occassions.
and payday is not until 7th! How to get the money?
I should go and rob a bank, rofl.

Thirdlyyyyy, My Vday date is -wait for it- my telly & a bunch of daisies. xD
If anyone wants to date me, please remember that I want Daisies & Chocolates.
&&& if you want to be super generous, I'd like a hugeeeeee tub of B&J's! (:
Thaaaaaankyou yeah. teehee!

Lastly, I'm psyched for parties yo!
heh, better than nothing right?
I'm so bored at home that I can die.
But hey, at least I still got things to do.
So, I do, in a way, have a life. :D

I think that there should be Starbucks Delivery.
I'll always start msn conversations with,
"Eh helloh, I want Starbucks Delivery please"
ThankGod there's still people who tolerate my crap. ^.^

Okeeeeeeeh, I need to go present-hunting.
cheeeeeeeerios! <3

2008-01-28T19:13:00.000-08:00

I walked to find a cab at such unearthly hours,
looking very much dishevelled.
I was trying to find a 24hours shop,
to fill my stomach or at least, to stop it from grumbling.
I saw the sunrise from the cab & it looked splendid.
For the first time in my life,
I didn't really feel lethargic until I got home.
I was hit with a pang of fear & worry,
making me oblivious about anything else.

I wish that I could just explain everything here,
but I can't.
& that sucks.

2008-01-28T08:56:00.001-08:00

I don't know whats been happening;
Alot of "What Ifs" has been playing in my mind.
If only i wasn't so self-centred,
maybe we could have avoided all this.
But i guess its too little too late,
All I can do now is pray.

It isn't exactly party central,
even if I did pass my O'levels.
I've come to realise that there are other things in life that are worth more than material possessions.
I realised that hearing my parents say how proud they were of me was the best gift ever,
and no one could even replace that.
Not even Business Class Tickets on board A380. (well, its tempting)
If only I was less defiant and rude,
maybe life would have been much sweeter for them.
Life isn't a happy stroll in the park for them,
even though, we're all grown up. (well, partly)
Geee, if only I could have predicted the future.

For a second,
I felt so ashamed that I've forgotten the invaluable skills that Adam Khoo taught me.
No matter what happens;
even if I'm a criminal on the loose, my parents will always love me.

2008-01-27T07:59:00.000-08:00

and so, I've picked out the courses that I wanted.
Its a far cry from what I wanted before the O'levels,
and I'm hoping its a wise move.
Ohplease, let me have a place in the Mass Comm in NP or any of my first 5 choices. ):

geeeeeee,
I think i need to read more in order to broaden my knowledge.
Who knows, maybe I could be a freelance writer? Let's continue hoping! hee, xD

I'm loving the LG Viewty! (:

2008-01-24T08:44:00.000-08:00

ALHAMDULLILAH, I managed to pass my O'levels! (:

I'm so happy.
Hearing my parents say how happy and proud they felt was the best feeling! (:
teehee.
Thanks alot to those who believed in me,
especially my family & friends. <3

On a waaaaaay lighter note,
Sufian treat me to a movie. haha, Thanks bro! :D
Body #19; It was gory & disgusting.
I didn't understand the whole movie & Yan was being an ass cos I kept shouting and shutting my eyes. heh.
Went to Starbucks & meet Sri plus Melati.
((:

& yeaaaah, It sucks being the one who always have to regret.
Sucks like hell, ):

2008-01-23T04:01:00.000-08:00

Rauf snapped this for me while he was in NZ.

Ohkaaaaay,

I just spent the whole afternoon at Changi Beach.

Everything changed alot since i last came.

Okay, the last time was last sunday but i didn't really see how the beach changed.

Went there with Sri Nurulhuda. (:

Ohyes, we talked while munching on tidbits.

It was ohso windyyyy,

& I counted the airplanes while bidding them goodbye.

As I walked down the beach with sand sticking in between my toes,

I realised about what has been happening in life & my reactions towards everything.

I've come to realise that if I were to fail my O's,

I would not shed a single tear.

Whatever results that I'm going to receive tmr,

its all my work & i'm responsible for it.

Like what they said, You reap what you sow.

If i sow lousily, then bad marks are expected.

Even if I cry, its over and there's nothing I can do.

So yes; if i fail,

I'm going to swallow my pride and repeat.

But I'm praying/hoping that I would get my 12points.

geeeeee, I feel like barfing whatever I just ate.

Nevermind, I'm mentally prepared about the outcomes of O'levels.

If anything should happen, Its all my work.

I still feel like barfing.

I'm praying for goodnews!

Countdown; 18hours to go.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH~

2008-01-22T08:14:00.000-08:00

As much as I'm scared,
I know I'm never alone.
My friends will still be my pillar of strength,
eventhough we're not gonna get the same results.
I know that I'll never walk in the exam hall alone,
& you guys won't too.

<3

2008-01-21T22:22:00.000-08:00

Get me ten feet off the ground;

Olevel results is gonna be in 2days' time.

What will my fate be?

OHMY.

I'm scared of going through the hospitl doors with bad results.

Sigh,

I'd do anything just as long as I can deliver good results to my dad.

God, please let it be alright.

I've said my piece, only time will tell.

Countdown; 2Days

2008-01-21T05:39:00.000-08:00

Airplanes.Airplanes.Airplanes.

Yesterday was alright.
I was posted to C2 and it was a good thing that there wasn't alot of customers.
After work, headed to Changi with Aliman, Fatynn, Syuk, Naz & Sham.
Ate by the beaaaach. heh.
And i saw two planes! :D
Went Home at about 11plus.
I had a nice time out, anywaaaaaay. ^^

Anyway, results will be out on the 24th, Thursday.
I'm pretty scared.
What if i can't make it? What if i can't get the course that i want?
Alot of "what ifs" is running through my mind.
I wanna burst through the hospital doors with a happy news,
not a bad one.
I'm very very scared now, ):

2008-01-19T07:33:00.000-08:00

Ohyeah, Work was indeed an escape.

Initially, I planned to hit Starbucks JJ & read a book while waiting for the colleagues to end work.

But, I had to do take over Huiting's shift cos she was sick.

There goes my peaceful plan of reading a book while taking a sinful sip of Caramel Hot Chocolate.

But, I had fun working.

It was those kind of times whereby there isn't alot of customers and you get to like actually know your colleagues better. heh.

Me and Farhan was too busy looking/observing the guests.

HAHAH, it was hilarious okay! xP

& of course, I wasn't spared by those teases. zzzzzt.

HAHAH, Gastric and headache was like acting up.

Damn, i wanted to cry.

Luckily the new sup put me in C1, otherwise, I'd be damn pissed.

Eventually, everyone at C1 was having stomachaches. a big LOL.

Work ended, somehow, earlier than usual.

Went to eat at Alfresco. damn, i was starving cos the food came so late.

& I wasn't pissed.

Just frustrated cos you're so fickle-minded.

but yeaaaah, its all alright now.

see yaaaaaaaa, (:

Definitely, Escape Theme Park.

(read; Escape)

Oh, i miss you Junjie & Adeline. ):

ohhh, not fogetting Farisha & Huiting. teehee!

2008-01-18T07:44:00.000-08:00

This week was really one hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride.
I think its best if we could turn back time & undo everytime.
Each time, my eyes would go all teary.
Damn, if only it was easy to tell people what's bothering you.
To pour out your feelings without being judged.
It'd be really great if I could do that.
Its just not as easy as it sounds.
People would always say, "You can come to me if you need me"
Yet, out of all those people who said that, who were the one that stood by you?
I'm sorry, but I'm just trying to differentiate between the terms "Friends"
It kills to be the one who have to worry,
and it sucks when you see your friends leading carefree lives.
Sometimes, i envy them.

Regardless of whatever that has happened this past few days,
I had a nice time out.
A movie marathon at Jarnah's crib on monday.
Meeting up Sri and talking to her is damn fun!
She's one damn good advisor. (:
Tuesday was spent at school with the netballers & Khai.
Met Sri again at night. HAHAH.
She's my superwoman, yo!
I went to Vivo yesterday, hee.
Met up Rauf to take something first, & yes; miss ya bestfriend!
Again, met up with Melati & Sri.
Plus, Syuk & Fatin. haha.
The sunset was niceeee, except it was covered by the stupid clouds.
Bottomline; I meet Sri almost everyday. ^^

I'm done.
& oh, please leave me your email address at my Cbox.
I'm thinking of making the blog private. (:
Okay bye, got to work. teehee!

2008-01-17T21:50:00.000-08:00

Damn, I feel so messed up nowadays.
Like really, mom is having her usual moodswings.
& who does she vent her anger on; me.
Like wth, its damn infruriating.
God, she needs to take up anger management classes or something.
My family is falling apart,
Like i said; even with 6pple living under one roof,
I still feel so alone.
geeeeeeee, I could never solve this on my own.

To my Friends;
I'm sorry for not being able to make it for the sentosa trip.
I was looking forward to that all week.
But really, its got nothing to do with Khai's YCP play thingy.
I didn't even buy tickets for that.
You guys, of all pple, should know what's my family like.
What's my mom and dad like.
I can't really say much down here, but all i wanna say is that I'm really sorry.
I know you guys are probably pissed of with me.

On a lighter note,
Happy 21st Birthday Syukri! (:
May you overcome future endeavours at ease.
Happy Celebrating later on, :D

2008-01-15T22:39:00.000-08:00

I'm in a state of confusion.
Why must i choose?
Its really unfair to have to choose.
Like really, geeeee.
So, should i hit sentosa with the mates or watch the YCP play since Khai is acting or should i....?
geeeeee, I hate having to choose.
pfffft, ):

Talk to me pleasee, :\

2008-01-14T20:07:00.000-08:00

I feel so weird,
this intricate feeling is too hard to comprehend.
Today is like 15th January,
Its only been 15 days since New Year yet, Life never ceases to be so complicated.
Geeee, tell me what I should I do?
No doubt, I should pretend it doesn't bother me since its like an adult thing.
Yet, it really doesn't stay away. pffft.
God, help me anyone?

Another thing that has apparently become an issue.
Not another one,
I gotta stick to my resolution.
I'm not ready, I'm too afraid.
besides, I still miss having him around.

Biarlah ku bertanya para bintang-bintang tentang erti kita dalam mimpi yang sempurna ♥

2008-01-12T09:38:00.000-08:00

i do miss you,

But I don't think i should...

2008-01-12T06:01:00.001-08:00

Its starting again;

All those paranoia sinking in.

Those pessimistic thoughts developing inside of me,

making me wanna burst out screaming.

Everything is making me feel bummed out,

so wasted deep inside.

Maybe everything isn't where its supposed to be,

then again; how could it be when the puzzle can't fit?

Is life supposed to be this hard?

I'm only sixteen, why must Life look so hard now?

Isn't it supposed to be happy?

Like y'know, a joyful place with rainbows & candies?

Everything seems to different than how I imagined it to be.

Even making the right choice in Poly is so damn hard.

I know I must be happy,

but it really really sucks to know that you're at the losing end.

It sucks even more to know that there's nothing you can do.

& I never thought this day would come when i say;

I've really got no confidence in myself.

Please don't define me,

cos I can't even define myself.

Maybe we're trying, trying to hard.

Maybe we're torn apart.

Maybe the time is beating our hearts,

We're empty

2008-01-10T06:12:00.000-08:00

Its really perplexing,
I wish not to say it here but really;
get some social events up in your pathetic calender.
I don't even wish to see that face of yours anywhere near me.
Geeeee, talk about being matured yeah?
Maybe I'm not, but who is to say that you are?

you're a real spoiler.

2008-01-07T02:06:00.000-08:00

I deleted my previous post.

I don't feel happy at all.

I feel rather dejected, wasted and hurt.

I wanted to scream at my mom for being so callous.

then again, maybe I was the one at wrong.

Sometimes, I think that I'm being too emotional or rather, immature towards this kind of things.

But most of the times, I feel like packing my things and running away.

I feel like running away from everything.

True that running away would not solve anything,

but at least, I won't be near anyone.

It completely sucks to be shouted/screamed at.

It sucks, especially if your parents have zero confidence in you.

I feel so demoralised.

Yes, they do give support when they think its due.

But when i need it the most, it completely vanishes.

They act like they care and love infront of others,

maybe they do. but then again, they act like I don't belong at all.

I just want a family who loves and gives support to one another,

not the other way around.

Just one simple thing that I've forgotten;

like switching off the aircon when I'm not in the room.

That, would create a WorldWar3.

Imagine how unreasonable they are.

They have never asked a simple question like "How are you doing? Hows work?"

All they do is create noises, adding to the noise pollution.

Simple things like asking me what i want for dinner is such a chore to them.

How can i not feel so dejected?

Blogging is the only way out for me.

How can they even accuse my friends of influencing me?

They have never met my friends.

okay, maybe some but who are they to judge?

Maybe i ask for money too often,

but where else can I get?

Sometimes, I ask for only $2 cos I don't have enough.

That, is enough for you to curse me?

Spitting vulgaritites at me for god-knows-what reasons?

I was speaking up for my brother,

yet you pointed fingers and telling me that if you weren't talking to me, I'd better not interrupt.

Then you fucking changed tone when aunt stepped in the room.

Fucking moron, haven't you heard of two-faced?

you're definitely being one.

I'm sick of this household.

I'm sick of everything that has got to do with the word, family.

They don't think I can make it to aerospace, why should I prove to them that I can?

All they do is shout and shout like as if there's no tomorrow.

I'm so sick of all this stupidity cropping up when I least need them.

Why can't everything just fall into place?

Why must I put things where they belong when the fucking puzzle can't fit?

My family potrait ain't right.

Even with 6people at home,

I feel so alone sometimes.

I tend to forget that my grandma passed away,

I had wanted to see her yesterday but I forgot about it.

Grandma, i miss you.

2008-01-04T04:53:00.000-08:00

don't you ever fucking try to point fingers at me.

like fucking shit, seriously.

goddamn; yre fucking pissed off abt work, so what?

don't fucking try to vent it at me lah asshole.

fucking turn the whole house upside-down, why don't you?

****************

2008-01-04T00:51:00.001-08:00

24th; as told by many.
that would be the crucial time of my entire secondary school life.
my future would lie in that sheet of paper.
ohmyyyyyyyy, i could just faint.

Like seriously,
i'm so nervous that my heartbeat is racing.
woooooooo~
yesterday, Faris K told me about his experience taking his N's results.
watery eyes, heart pumping-so-fast that-the-lungs-would-burst-in-nano-seconds (exaggerating!)
butterflies-in-the-stomach, the whole body being wrapped in anxiety and of course, the shock when its your turn to get the results.
geeeeeeeeee, its sounds so drama.
ohyes, he also told me to be prepared for waterworks. haha.
imagine myself taking results.
it seems like so yesterday that i was getting all frustrated about the papers, whining how tough it was.
omg, i really can't imagine what results i'll get.
would i be able to make it to aerospace?
i'm getting waywayway anxious now. pfffft.

I'm going to switch off my phone in any case.
so, no one will be able to contact me. :D

on a lighter note,
i feeeeeeeeel like a chef! hee. i feel like cooking something up leh! -.-"
i have a receipe for feeling high now;
koko krunch with bananas and PB&J! oh, add milk! hahah, like having sugar rush babyyy.
ohhhhhh, i did the most craziest thing for lunch.
i cooked the instant prata and put mozzarella cheese on top.
i ate it with scrambled egg plus cheese. hahah, okay im nuts.
it goes damn nice with the happy soda~!
weeehooo, i'm one happykid!
Abang got me into the mood of cooking, he's cooking up italian food nowww.
Pasta and lasagna; though his lasagna needs to be more & more cheesssyyyy!~
i miss felina, alot!
she's got me into a baking mood now! CONTACT ME ASAP OKAY HUNNN! ):
ahhhhhhhh, i wanna go eat my PB&J plus nutella and chocolate milk now.
okay byeeeeeeee.

OMG, IM SO FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT SIA.
HEEE, IM SO HAPPY NOWWWWWWW. ^^

P.S. REMIND ME TO BLOG ABOUT JARNAH'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT TO ME OKAY! :D

2008-01-02T23:10:00.000-08:00

I miss school, like really.

ahaha, i never thought the day would come that i'd utter those very word.

Natasha, Albany and myself went to school yesterday to meet up Ath for lunch.

Apparently, we pretty much miss the whole going-to-school thing.

It feels weird not being in uniform on a school day.

I remembered walking out of the Front gate with my friends.

hahaha, it seems like only yesterday i was in Secondary school;

struggling to fit in and excel.

Yesterday was also when we saw most of our friends;

izwan, shawn, aidil, dut, agil and the rest.

its been ages since we last slacked with them.

Went to Kfc for lunch;

the last time we went, we practically took the whole sofa area due to alot of people.

damn, i miss those moments already.

and imagine that;

in a few weeks' time, i'd be getting my results.

its scaring the hell out of me.

anyways, thats besides the point.

Going to school yesterday made me realise how much i miss my friends.

I realised that going to school was a way of assuring us that we'd always meet our friends.

Its been awhile since i met up with them.

probably, the last meetup was during prom or Hari Raya for some of them.

geeeeeeee,

I think i'm getting pretty much emotional.

okay, now tell me whts my New Year's resolution gotta be?

#1- Let's not be too emotional/sensitive

#2- Be rational and pick up on others' feelings as well

#3- Stop being so hotheaded and too impulsive

#4- & please, don't fall in love too easily.

and tht pretty much clears up everything.

I'll try my very best to stick to my resolutions though #2 & #3 is going to be pretty hard.

geeeee, okay done.

2008-01-01T19:53:00.000-08:00

I knw I'm a tad bit late because its already 2nd January.
Nevertheless, Happy 2008 people! :D

Let's do a little bit of recap about what happened in 2007, alright?
I'm skipping some months cos it was just normal fun not THAT fun.

January;
Kick Start of school which equals to ALOT of stress. haa.
I learnt to be responsible(gimme a loud laugh!) being the class chairperson.
I also learnt how to cooperate with other people. (:

March;
I cried my heart's out at the Adam Khoo workshop.
it was really inspirational.
i remembered what adam taught us; the past does not equal to the future.
and it stays true.

April;
Tht was when i was really really upset.
it was a mixture of euphoria and dissapointment rolled into one.
I placed hope on him, too much.
and i let myself drown in my fantasy.
I learnt my mistake. a very regretful one.

May;
The start of Midyears proved too much for me.
i drove nearly everyone insane with constant whining.
he was still heavy on my mind back then.

June;
The germany trip was the highlight of my 4 years in secondary school.
it was beyond amazing.
i made new friends and the trip proved to be a memorable one. geeee.

July;
gearing up for the Big O's and prelims was tough.
i stepped on alot of people's tails.
like, ALOT.
i fell in and out of love, hahah.
i guess tht taught me alot of things.

August;
the start of NDP and Teachers' day.
i lost my wallet in 090807.
lol, too much partying.
that was when our class was trying to cooperate with the class tee fiasco.
and we survived with a killer class tee, yo!

September;
Prelims was like hell.
it was too much that i drove myself and alot of people insane.
time was clearly ticking for all of us.
we didn't survive the torture of the prelims.

October;
the obstacle was getting harder.
on 011007, my grandma passed away.
in the midst of the O's preparation, i was at a loss.
i couldn't control my emotions.
everytime during revision at night, i would weep all alone.
still, the regret lingers.
It was a week till my 16th birthday.
but thanks to alot of my friends for pulling me through.
especially, fawwaz, amos & rauf

November;
Prom 2007 and TPrawks!
party, party and party.
post O's activities was the bomb!
graduation day was a sad one and prom was fun. (minus the bad points)
the start of working life was fun,
"fun people serving fun people"

December;
work was like the priority.
still, i had fun with the workmates.
Sri, Farisha, Yasin, Adzri, Mai, Yan, Huiting, Connie, Faizah, Ijan, Aishah, Melati, Yusri, Farhan, James, Junjie, zul and the list goes on and on. (:
They are definitely fun!

2008 is going to be a blast!
2007 was full of obstacles, i survived it.
and note to self; i'm not going to let another guy bring me down, not anymore.
(:

2007-12-28T08:50:00.000-08:00

Ghostbusters, ^^

My cupcakes

Rides; Naz and Syuk

LimJunJie

Ferrisheranne

Adzri, (:

Guys from Carnival Department, some also.

James and Aliman's Vespa, ^^

Girls of Carnival department, some only luh.

Okay, the Christmas party was ohhhkaaaaaaay. it wasn't as fun nor dull. hahaa, somewhere in between probably. geeeeee. i met up with Melati and Sri to get their hair done. Sri's one was in the evening, so yeah. jarnah helped me with hair. haha, i swear i looked damn weird cos i didn't really cared much about appearance until i was there. lol eh.

ohh, met up with those working outside ETP. hee, Adzri was wearing a sort-of mods look. Ferrisher was like Cinderella story. Farhan was following Tokyo Drift or Too Fast Too furious. LOL, cute uh drg. Sri was the cutest with her tak-boleh-angkat hair. hee. Melati won best-dressed for female. The Christmas party was more like a Halloween ones cos some arrived in costumes. being the Ghostbusters, the creative one of all. hee, ^^

home-ed at about 11plus. and now, i have to go. oh, i'll miss alot of people. see ya in a week, loves! <3

2007-12-26T19:30:00.000-08:00

Life has been pretty mundane.

ohwait, make that VERY.

I don't have the time to go out,

much less meet up with my friends.

oh, geeeeeeeeee.

i miss my friends alot.

and i swear that i need retail theraphy and a sinful dosage of starbucks! ):

anyhoos, i'm off to KL this saturday due to my cousin's wedding.

though, i still don't get why must it be on 1st january.

pffft, -.-"

oh, i've yet to packed.

anyway, i gotta run and meet melati.

will post up pictures, considering today is the Christmas party at WildWildWet. (:

hahaha, okay bye.

2007-12-17T06:41:00.000-08:00

I thought i saw you,

but it was a case of mistaken identity.

and i spent the entire time thinking about it,

screw me now. -.-

i guess, i can never really let go of anything.

it sucks, knowing that it has come to this.

I'm super shagged.

Even yesterday, most of my classmates could see how tired i was.

i was beyond lethargic.

I can't get stressed now or too tired;

otherwise, it would come again. pfft.

Eyesbags and dark circles are developing.

i envy tia and sha for their super easy job,

gaaaaaaaaah.

My eyes hurt like hell,

and you're a class `A' Liar.

pffffffffffffffft~

ohyeah, Happy 18th birthday to you. (:

2007-12-14T07:32:00.000-08:00

I discovered that my posts have been rather, errr what do they call it, emotional? haha.

Its not that i'm emotional,

it just that too many things that happened affected me deeply.

so yeah, go freaking figure.

On a lighter note, work was enjoyable.

the tiredness faded away by an achievement.

hee, i managed to sell the whole book of coupon in one day.

LOL, not big of a deal uh.

but hey, some of the customers are goddamn annoying.

still, i'm so happy okay! :DD

ohohhh, fr the first time i saw a queue at Spin to Win. Lmao.

On a sadder note, i often get blamed cos of my friends.

Like when its their responsibility to tell or tell earlier,

yet i was scolded.

okaaaaaay, no complains there.

but it really is exasperating to hear people say "yr friend uh...aiya"

Frustrating, verrrrry.

Okay, tomorrow is family day.

better be prepared for ALOT of typical singaporeans.

and i hope the admin doesn't give out any free carnival game coupons.

cos my mouth is tired of repeating the same thing over&over again.

LOL, xD

2007-12-12T07:55:00.000-08:00

This sucks, big time.

i hate my life,
how i'm treated.
i'm so screwed, like really really.
i don't know what to do anymore.
i tried my very best to look on the bright side,
yet all i see is darkness.
whenever i think about my parents,
i thought about how they beat me in the past.

i feel so stupid for arguing with him,
i feel so stupid for being so petty.
he was such a great friend,
and he helped me so much.
i feel dumb and lost, all of a sudden.

2007-12-11T06:52:00.000-08:00

i swear guys who sulk are the worst thing ever.

showing attitude here and there,
maybe i am like that.
okay scrap that, i am like that.
but not to anyone who is innocent.
what the hell did i do to you?
sometimes yre okay, sometimes yre not.
gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

i got issues, real big issues
;
as quoted by LimJunJie

2007-12-10T05:46:00.000-08:00

I swear i hate saying goodbyes.

i swear that i hate you alot.
i miss my grandma, alot.
sighhhhh, i just don't know who to turn to.
i mean like people been telling me that i can come to them when i'm in need of someone.
but its jus so different.
i miss jarnah and rauf, alotalot.
sighhh, i can go bonkers not talking to them.

fuck, i hate everything.
you don't need to go on bragging how super your other childrens are.
you talk as if i'm the only one who makes mistakes.
everytime things go wrong, yr siblings find me.
how is that fair?
i feel like not coming back here anymore.
i know i'm a dissapointment,
and yre probably happier without me.
i know i wasn't supposed to be born,
that it was a surprise for you.
i know i'm way difficult that i want everything in life,
i know i upset you frequently.
yet, you don't need to say i'm useless.
you don't need to go around telling people about the affairs at home.
you don't need to tell even yr friends about it.
you didn't need to beat me up and scream at me.
you didn't need to chase me out of the house.

i don't really care.
for those people who thinks this post is so emotional,
so fuck yrself upside down first.

2007-12-09T07:07:00.001-08:00

sometimes i wonder,
what the hell do they want?
maybe i'm notoriously disobedient,
but say until, "i don't car if i lose one daughter"
Fuck, heart pain sial.
Like what the hell do they want from me.
i tried my best to stay away from home,
cos i know if i'm at home the whole day confirm my mom nonstop nagging.
its like fuck,
scold like nobody's buiness.
yes, i'm flawed all over and i don't listen.
but i got feelings too.
imagine you chasing me outta the house.
you always said "wait yr children will do you more worst than what you do to me"
so my question now is, did you really hurt nenek's feelings?
damn, i feel like running away again.
i had enough of counselling already.
people have been telling me to be patient and relax,
but its harder done than said.
i'm really sick of stepping at home,
i'm really sick of everything.
i can't do anything, i'm only sixteen.
but trust me, if i could, i would.
what about yr goodfrnothing son,
who doesnt do what he preaches?
fancy telling me to do this and that when all this are bullshit to him.
what bout yr nearthanperfect daughter,
she doesn't ven have a degree with her right now?
you point out my flaws every now and then,
but what about them?
okay, comparison sucks. but you enjoy doing so.
i've had enough of all this bullshit.
i'm goodfornothing,
fuck off laaaaaaaaaaaa.
it still hurts, i swear i won't talk to you for a fucking long time.

and btw, i'm not emo or whatever yre thinking.
this is what i'm feeling.
and i'm capable of violence, right now.
so back off, shitheads.

2007-12-09T06:19:00.000-08:00

ThankGod for Mc Cafe, their Iced Chocolate was heavenly.

ohyes, yesterday's outing was hella fun!

reaaaaally!

Hitman was awesome, yo!

and we had loads of fun riding rides,

Yasin drove the go-kart thingy cos i didn't know how to. ^^

Inverter was awesome but damn painful lah kan.

we played arcade after movie,

i won sufian in racing laaaaaaaa!

xD Bangga sekejap lah kan.

heee, "feeling kaya" was the word of the day. LMAO

Work was okay today,

it was raining in the morning but yeah, manageable. LOL.

not many people came, so me & kat was sent home.

waited at Mc cafe for adzri.

used laptop; created friendster and msn while waiting for the rest to end work.

daaaaaaaaamn, i was fking pissed off lah sia.

fuck them uh, like seriously.

last minute then call, fuck.

wanted to cry, i don't even know what to react anymore.

went to Al-fresco, again.

Bought food cos they asked me to buy my own food.

i just find them reallyreally complicated.

went home after that.

i just don't get you guys, like seriously.

i don't even look like any of you guys and i'm the only one with the stupid blood allergy.

maybe i should just eat it and then see what happens next aye.

whatever, i don't give a fuck.

My clown-without-the-sinister-face of the day

lifesaver of the day, (:

I'm one happykid without the complicated issues.

2007-12-07T16:46:00.000-08:00

It's not over tonight

Just give me one more chance to make it right

I may not make it through the night

I won't go home without you

-Maroon 5; Won't go home without you

I can't believe that was you.

Its not tht i'm unhappy with the fact, don't get me wrong.

as long as yre happy, i'm cool.

but what upsets me the most was tht you didn't tell me.

and i heard it from someone at ETP?

Like wth kan,

so much for being bestfriends.

i've never kept anything from you, never.

it just sucks knowing something from the mouth of another.

what's more, we've been bestfriends for 3years.

At work, when i tried to talk to you,

you gave me that okaywhatdoyouwantnow kinda look.

i felt like crying, thank god for some people.

i don't know what to say anymore, gaaaaaaaaaah.

On a lighter note, work is becoming better? haha.

workmates are fun and after-work slacking session are damn funny.

everyday will always be a laughing session at some point of time.

ohhh, and adsri&yassin made me addicted to tht Maroon5 song. ^^

FAAAAARHAAAAAN. Imma kill you soon okay!

hee, PAYDAY.

my first pay, hahahahaha.

so today, we're going to ETP to play the rides

and watch HITMAN :D

woooo, can't wait to go out! ^^

Ohyes, mom said she'll pay my bills for this month.

wooo, double happy la! :D

okaaaay, gotta siap and meet sri!

byebye fellas (:

2007-12-04T19:07:00.000-08:00

JunJie said this, "You got major issues"

hahaha, i have to agree with him on that.

(P.S. he tells everyone that they got issues. LOL)

i'm too paranoid nowadays.

at most, i'll just irritate anyone i could find with seriously random questions.

my mind is full of the most random questions,

and paranoia is sinking in.

gaaaaah.

here's the deal;

i don't wish to take part in the deal anymore cos its bad.

Both Farhan and Adsri said that its not sincere and it'd be hurting others,

so yes i agree with them.

i think that ETP should really ban ahbengs/ahlians family. like seriously.

they're pissing me off.

i really like you, but i think i'll pass.

2007-12-02T08:05:00.000-08:00

I shouldn't think and mess up my mind.

I'd rather work than to think about all this.

damn,

i need a breather.

ohmy, i'm so screwed.

i'm left with 28days.

boooo!

reality check;

mission unaccomplished (duh!)

P.S. i hate how people are going around, boasting, or rather, making up tales about how glamorous they are.

this is Singapore darling, not some over-the-top country.

ohplease, stop talking crap when you're nowhere near as glamorous as you claimed you are.

2007-12-02T03:48:00.000-08:00

Felina the Feline says:
which goes to show you are completely falling for him. and so are you going to wait till the very last second to tell him that you have a crush on him. boys can be such woodblocks sometimes and it gets hard for us girls. and secretly, boys like to get chased by girls. it's not always the other way round. defeat those thoughts of spine-tingling chills and just say it once and for all
Felina the Feline says:
tell him what i just told you about how he shouldnt waste his time when it's a one way thing. pack up and move on please. when things dont go your way, it's time to make a u-turn and start over. life's like that. and you, you shouldnt make excuses, anytime is the right time, really. it's how you perceive it
Felina the Feline says:
sighing doesnt get you anywhere and just makes you feel shittier cos you'll just get more confused by what people say to make you feel better. been there, done that. i understand. but sometimes tradition isnt the way to go. the whole tradition of how girls should wait for boys to make the first move. we are afterall in the 21st century. traditions are has-been.

Me and Felina are going to do the unthinkable;

Getting a boyfriend before 2008 (!!)

this calls for a Boyfriend-hunt,

damn! why isn't there just any shops? haha.

Okay Felina & Jarnah, the deal is on.

Be prepared for a treat cos i think i'm not gonna make it.

pfffffffft, ):

i like you, dumb.

2007-11-30T08:14:00.000-08:00

I've got no mood to blog,

today and yesterday was a total bummer.

work is making us even more distant.

How the hell am i supposed to talk to you?

You won't even tell me things; so much for being friends uh?

I knew it was a bad idea,

well whatever.

oh, Ferrisher knows this! HAHAH.

okaaaaaay, total bummer.

but he is a total hottie okay. ^^

aiyerrrrrrrrrrr,

i don't care anymore.

2007-11-29T08:13:00.000-08:00

FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK,

WALLET LOST! (AGAIN&AGAIN)
T.T

This time round, my IC is included. T.T
AHHHH, there goes my $100.
OMG, *imagining my mum's head bursting*

I made my way to the Police Station with Aunt.
and i swear the Policeman was somewhat unprofessional.
HAHAH, he's nice with alot of grammatical errors. xD
My little trip to the Police Station was an unfruitful one cos i don't really need to lodge a report. =.=
However, i learnt about Tampines through my new friend, Mr Policeman.
There were at least 4people in the station lodging a report to the policemen just now.
Imagine that! and i actually thought Tampines was a safe place.
He said that there are always this kind of cases and that there's always alot of people coming here reporting about fights, assaults, theft or even rioting.
He said that sometimes the foreign immigrants too stir up huge trouble and that their fights are damn scary.
HAHAHAHAHA. a little insight eh and he thought i was interested in becoming a policewoman.
WTH, the world would turn topsy-turvy by then. ^^

But in the end, wallet is still missing.
I'm pleading to any soul kind enough to return me my wallet if you've ever seen it.
Its a Checkered pink&white ROXY wallet.
pleaaaaaaaaaase, IC leh! T.T

2007-11-28T19:55:00.000-08:00

Tell me that the grass is greener on the other side,

but is the other side too far for me to cross over?

Tell me that we'd live to see our dreams come true,

but what if we die the next day with none achieved?

Tell me that no one cares about being perfect,

yet i see everyone chasing after perfection.

Tell me that its okay to be flawed,

yet why are you not loving my imperfections at all?

Tell me that you love me,

but why are you there with another girl?

I don't know myself anymore;

2007-11-27T06:33:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt of wanting everything to be perfect?

Like the perfect country to live in, the perfect look/body and a perfect boyfriend.

okaaaaay, perfect everything.

I miss travelling, alot.

maybe now i know why i have a fetish for aeroplanes;

it is because of travelling.

I love experiencing anything new,

like when my sister told me how did the indonesians villagers clear up the corpse, their caskets and how they eat.

cultural shock aye?

a far cry from the urbanised society.

I miss the sunset in Germany,

the furry kangaroos and the peaceful night in Australia.

DAMN, Rauf is going to NZ on the 4thdec.

sighhh, my dream spot okay.

damn you Rauf.

I watched all three seasons from LB (again!)

and now, i want a perfect world like Kristin's please.

minus the drama.

oh, and i want a guy like stephen laaa!

i miss you, alotalot.

2007-11-25T06:32:00.000-08:00

I feel as though the world came crashing down and I'm the only survivor.

I feel pretty pathetic, like a loser.

It doesn't make any difference though.

but i dunno, why i'm feeling like this all of a sudden.

This super-weird-that-i-feel-like-such-an-asshole feeling.

midshift tomorrow.

wonder what it'll be likeeeee.

zzzzztt, ):

i miss you, alot.

2007-11-24T05:45:00.000-08:00

Today, i had a pretty long day. I had absolutely nothing to do in the bus and my mind started to wonder about.
i realised that there were 3people who are related to me that passed away, in less than 2months.
i know that this is all God's Will, but continous tahlil is making me sad deep inside.
Granny's death. Till now, i'm still regretting what had happened.
Would things be the same if i had followed my instincts? pretty much no.
Would life be life if we live with no regrets at all?
I regretted alot of things;
too many to be stated in this pathetic blog of mine.
Too many questions;
Why must the sky be blue and the grasses green?
Why must life be taken away when we least expected?
Why must we only turn to God when we're helpless?
Why this, Why that?
Why are my questions still unanswered?

Life's all about challenges but sometimes, the challenge is far beyond what we expected.
Ironically, it makes us stronger.
if that's so; then why the phrase, "what doesn't hurt us makes us stronger" ?
There's only two things that challenges can do;
Hurt emotionally or physically.
so, what difference does it make?
Another day, i try to find some meaning in life to hold on to.
yet, nothing seems to last forever.
Its weird, i started to think about life only after experiencing alot of emotional breakdowns.
Maybe we all should have that to give us deeper insights of life.

Honestly, I hated him for leaving me all of a sudden.
I hated him for giving me hope.
I wanted to murder him and secretly hoped that she'd break his heart.
My heart ached seeing them but i pretended it didn't bother me.
I tried so many ways to forget you, yet you keep appearing back.
Is all this karma?
You walked away and moved on.
Shouldn't i do the same?
I told alot of people that i'm over you,
but i guess alot of them know that i'm really not.
I'm not some hopeless romantic,
I'm not someone who is desperate for him.
But i guess i fell too deep for you.
I should realise that you're only almost here,

I really don't know what's happening.
Please, i'm not some emotional freak.
I freaking don't know what's happening,
i need to blog since i freaking can't write anymore poems.

they said i should get over you,
but its easier said than done.

2007-11-22T18:54:00.000-08:00

okay,

I didn't manage to blog probably due to laziness and work.

First day at work was scary cos i didn't know anyone there.

ohyes, adsri and shazwani was the first people who talked to me.

& adsri taught me how to handle the game stations and all.

errr, Thankgod jarnah was in AM shift so, she helped me out a little bit.

After that she was gone.

Drank SoyaBean fr lunch with Huiting and Maisarah.

After which, i got to know Farisha and we talked & talked,

and taadaaa! my newFound friend, yo! xD

som incidents happened, hee.

Work ended and we went to the pasar malam but no food.

so we went our seperate ways. (:

*******

Bad things Of PromNight 2007

#1; Junyuan is still as budget as ever. Imagine a 1st prize for a Lucky Draw is a Steamer? Like wth do we, Teenagers need it for? To cook up something interesting in life? -.-

#2; They are so weird. The invitation card clearly stated there that Prom will end at 1am but it ended 2 hours earlier. WTH.

#3; The dancefloor is too small and it was conquered by the dancers.

#4; The food was okay but not great

#5; The activites was a real bore.

Good things of PromNight 2007

#1; SLEEQ WAS THE HIGHLIGHT

#2; The emcees were rocking the stage, Sham & Miss Vic

#3; Daniel's crew were rad

#4; The dessert was awesome

#5; picture-takings with Sleeq and friends(:

That was my honest Opinion of Prom,

though $55 wasn't satisfying enough.

People were looking Over-the-top despite the boring theme,

everyone looked glitzy and classy.

My Ne-yo & Timbaland looked hot okay.

My loverGirls looked sexaaaay, yo!

& FARIQIRFAN, I WANT THE PICTURES LA. (:

2007-11-21T08:21:00.000-08:00

I guess that was the highlight of Prom Night 2007;

yes, that's Sleeq looking as hot as ever.

omfg, i look duper chinese. -.-

i feel dumb,

cos all along i trusted you.

it hurts like hell but i tried so hard not to be affected.

i did the most stupid things just so i wouldn't be sad.

whenever i see my friends having fun, i envied them so much.

i shouldn't look into it so much.

i just wanna enjoy but it hurts deep inside.

you walked away from me,

so why must you enter with another girl?

you said you wouldn't but i guess that's all past tense.

whatever, boy.

i miss you alot,

gah. but i guess we're just to busy.

P.S. i don't feel like posting anything about prom. just read up my friends' entries aye?

2007-11-19T18:13:00.000-08:00

P.S; If you think you're way over the top,

well, Think again! (:

****

prooooom babyyyyy~

2007-11-18T17:47:00.000-08:00

*********

Pictures of TPrawks!

The Great Spy Experiment(:

Fion & Jac; the best PLs [not including shawn(:]

read up more at Jarnah's or Felina's blogs okay? heee, <3

2007-11-18T04:48:00.000-08:00

okaaay.

Graduation Day 07 was filled with tears and joy.

I was happy that finally, i'm free from school and piles of homeworks.

It was also a tearjerker,

those slides that Mrs Low made for us.

okay, making a slideshow seemed so easy but hey, Mrs low is pregnant and has a family to take care of,

she used a little of her time to prepare it for us with her well wishes.

we're a super grateful

i still remembered her words when i was up stage, "thankyou dhaifina for helping out as a chairperson"

awwww, i teared okay and she was on the verge of crying too.

Miss Victoria also made me cry when she hugged us.

She was also crying, you see.

She's one of the best english teacher, she helped us alot with our english which i am happy to say improved alot.

Mrs ramos is one of our best teachers too.

she has never given up on us and was willing to walk an extra mile with us.

She was supposed to leave this year bt since we were having our O's she'll be moving next year.

ohyes, i love her alot for she has always been a great motivator and educator.

Miss zaleha is the greatest also.

she sees our potential and help us to make the better out of it.

she always encourages me and i'm sure the class loves her too since their behaviour changed whenever Miss zaleha is in class.

Miss ross; i didn't get to see her but she's a great teacher.

i'm grateful that she chose me to go on the Germany trip. (: worry not, hopefully me&Khaikit will get you your As for Combined humans.

Mdm Kho, this teacher with THAT kind of patience to teach us.

Among all, this teacher never had the easy job of teaching us and i'm so sorry to her.

she's such a joy to talk to and motivates me alot.

despite being such a rowdy and noisy splitup class, not once did she gave up on us.

[thats all, i think(:]

Thankyou so much for being the best teachers ever.

2007-11-16T19:52:00.000-08:00

One word;

TPRAWKS!!

it was time to let loose,

and boyyy, did we let loose!

hahaha,

i had the best time ever till i was duper exhausted

ThankGod, i was in the front row(:

Girls were going crazy for Sleeq, hee.

They sang Almost, but and a few of their own songs.

Plus Give it to me, Mylove, Sexyback and run it

woooo. it was superhot, yo!

The Great Spy Experiment made everyone super hyped up.

Captain Funkycurls and Class `A' love affair was all that i could remember. haha.

i didn't manage to snap pictures cos didnt bring down my bag. haha.

okaaaay, i had fun and i'll update pretty soon. (:

BLUEEEE6

i miss Fion's lame jokes

shawn's annoyance

& Jacquelynn(?) ever-so helpfulness.

considering TP for its super contagious school spirit, yo!

2007-11-12T02:21:00.000-08:00

I feel like fuck

Maybe its fated to be like that,

I'm not supposed to be in love or whatever.

I am happy that I'm able to help you,

but maybe thats the boundary between us.

I'm sounding so emotionally F up,

but i need to let it out.

I'm sorry Jarnah & Naq,

but I'm such a loser that I dont even have confidence in the simplest thing of Earth.

I can't write poems anymore,

I don't have confidence, not forgetting a lower-than-low self-esteem.

I can only see things from afar and never getting to experience it.

I guess the Closure i wished for was way worst than i expected it to be.

I feel way worst than stepping-on-cockraoches feeling

2007-11-08T04:31:00.000-08:00

Time is ticking fast, too fast.
Its drawing near the end of the O's,
and that would mean freedom.
But i guess, i'll miss secondary school.
Its gonna be boring, i swear.
But luckily, a job will be available for me.
Yaaaaay, so no boredom bebeh.

HAHAHA,
i'm going to miss alot of people.
-.-

Okaaaaaay,
yesterday was fun. (:
Major papers have ended so we went out.
We = Felina, Jarnah and myself.
Syaza was supposed to come but she was sick. LOL.
We headed to Town and at the Orchard Mrt, saw someone.
HAHAHA, fishing at town ehhh awak? -.-
LOL, so yeaaaaaah.
The girls was super giggly uh kan.
we headed to Fareast first which i think was bigger than Vivo. ahaha, okay bedek uh.
Usually i would head to the shop, get my things and go.
But no, we walked around, surveying the stuffs.
Gastric acted up and i got bored la, considering i dint wanna bring any money. lmao.
So i went out and saw someone again.
Swear that the friends are really super annoying la. -.-
Snapped random pictures and headed to Lucky Plaza for the ayam penyet. HAAA,
Walked around and went to bugis.
"2 for $20" ahahaha, inside joke.
Hilarious la.
and then headed home, (:

Cos i saw you,
and the friends told me never to look.
Maybe she was never wrong about you,
and i wasted hours defending you.
i guess i'm happy things turned out wrong cos i would have been a fool.

2007-11-06T00:03:00.000-08:00

i feel stupid.
reaaally.

i can't even write poems now, what the hell is happening?
its like my life okay.
sigh, wth wth.
i need to write,
its my only way of comfort. GAH.
Lucky O's are ending real soon, its draining everything i've got.
even writing, pfffft.

okay, whatever la.

i just want to write it real quick.

oh, i'm such a loser.

pfffft, hurry hurry! ):

okaaaay,

yesterday was pretty much hectic.

thankgod all the important papers are over.

*phewwww!

geee, i just want it done over real soon.

okaaaay yesterday someone this to me;

y cant u motivate urself ?
do it fer ur future

do it fer pride n glory
do it fer ur parents n family

& i'm ashamed to say that i have no answers for that.

i can't motivate myself, but i can definitely perk people up.

i know i should do it for family and my for my future,

but i have absolutely no confidence.

i keep on thinking time and again.

yes, imperfections are part of one's life,

but i feel that i am so flawed all over.

i just get that shitty feeling everynow and then.

now, i feel even suckier that i can't write any poems.

gaaah.

PS. i don't think i've even seen myself smile & laugh so happily eversince the last sachicks outing.

i miss my usual happy self.

sigh.

PPS. i hate how some people think that they are so over the top. Like hello, as if you're really all that.

-.- sheesh.

okay, i dont know myself anymore.

dhaifina

2007-11-05T03:34:00.001-08:00

i feel like asdgfjskl

so, whats to it?

Thanks, <3

2007-11-03T23:16:00.000-07:00

You leave me breathless

it's something that you do I can't explain

I run a million miles just to hear you say my name

-Speechless, The Veronicas

okaaaaay,

only my friends know who i'm talking about.

geeee, okay best.

ssshhh.

i lovelove my cousin, Natisha(:

heeee,

she's effing cute lah kan. <3

okaaaaaay.

gotta run to mugmug for Social Studies. (:

byebye,

2007-11-03T06:17:00.000-07:00

i read someone's blog;

about love and having boyfriends.

and i learnt something from reading it.

LOL. *ahem

i realised rushing into a relationship isn't good.

haha, talk about being slow.

but really. if he's meant to be yours, he will be.

i mean,

what's the point of getting into a relationship so fast if you're gonna get hurt?

if only i read the blog sooner. LOL.

no matter, i got my lovergirls, greatest guyfriends, awesome godsiblings

& not forgetting, a supportive family (at times la)

heeee,

Life's great & getting better.

i guess i'll agree with what jarnah said.

2007-10-31T05:38:00.000-07:00

its been a reaaaallly long time since i posted poems. LOL.

no thanks to O's eh.

Good news; O'levels is ending very sooon. yaay!

Bad news; i don't know if i can make it.

pfft, i'll jus pray and do well for POA tmr.

hee,

Alhamdullilah Maths paper2 was better than paper1.

better okay, not easy.

Looking forward to another raya outing with sachicks.

haha, and also this saaaturdaaay.

maybe going out with Miss Victoria and the rest. xD

okay, i think i like youuuu.

hahaha;

Myremedy(:

2007-10-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to read between the lines
you got me going out of my mind

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
-Jenny, the Click Five

my brother made me addicted to the chorus only okaaaay,
i still find the old frontman of Click Five waaaaay cuter than Kyle whts-his-name.
LOL,

O'levels is killing me,
i guess i reaally can;t make it for my 11points,
sighhh.
i see the thought of me going to Aerospace or any other Aviation Course crumbling to teeny-weeny bits.
Gah, what a bummer.
i'm so afraid.
Core geography was like hell,
imagine how maths would be.
GAAAAAAAH, help me please anyone? =\

on a lighter note,
Fikri is reaallly a great friend.
not forgetting Fawwaz too.
they are constantly giving me support.
okay, aku syg krg eh.
ohh, not forgetting Khai & Amos. (:
hahaha,
plus Sachicks la.

okay, i need to go mug now.
byebye.

2007-10-26T20:37:00.000-07:00

okaaaaaaaaaay,

Haaappy Haaappy Birthdaaaaay NAQNEQNOQ!

You're fourteeen lah kan, so young!

enjoy your day, and live life!

Thanks fr being there for me alwaaaaaaaaays.

Hope you get the class of yr choice & be haaapppyy always!

I love you more than Faiz ever does! <3

ohoh, Good luck in everything you do!

okaaaaay.

enjoy your daaaay, you Fourteeeen! (:
Your present will come by soon enoughhhhh~

okay, i won't call you the meanest thing on Earth tdy. HAHAHA.

2007-10-26T03:28:00.000-07:00

Gah, exams was a total killer.

okay, maybe not for history.

but i reckon i wrote utter rubbish, just as i did for geography.

oh, i just don't know.

everything seems to be going wrong, sighhh.

i don't have any faith of getting my 11points.

i don't know whats wrong,

i can motivate others but not myself.

sigh,

i can't believe chemistry was tough.

and i totally depended on chemistry to boost my comb science cos bio is sucky.

gah, exams are never easy.

especially the O's.

guess i should have started when i got the chance to,

sighsigh.

however, the person who took history was in his late forties i think.

imagine that, he looks old okay.

no kidding, if he is really old.

he's like good okay, taking O's at that age.

we, teenagers, are already complaining about pains and whtnots at a young age.

okaaaaaaaaay,

now this is what you call;

even if you're old, you can never stop learning.

a true motivation, somehow. (:

2007-10-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

They're my daily dosage of ectasy, really!

heee,

okaaaay.

Raya outing was hectic!

came late as usual but the latest was Natasha&Faezah.

We agreed on 11am but they came at noon. =.=

hee; Ath's place as usual.

and followed by the next houses.

errrrrr, all together we went to about 14 houses.

with 23 people, imagine that!

and this year's Raya, not everyone came along. hee,

Lucky Shahrul was around,

if not, it'd be dead.

His impersonations was totally funny, especially abt Danial's. haha.

Funniest part was when Munir, Danial & Shahrul wore Sha's, Ath's and my heels.

HAHAHA, funnniest part.

All of them could pass of as a lady, reaaallyy.

Danial was the funniest cos my heels was too small for him.

But we had fun uh,

& Fawwaz's mom cooked the best Lasagna!

okaaaaay, overall i love the Raya yesterdaaay. (:

&&&&& i love everyone who was present and those in Sachicks uhhh, heee.

Sayang krg ehhh! <3

P.S. i'm too lazy to upload all the photos.

I'll upload all at one go. :D

2007-10-18T05:50:00.000-07:00

This is the entrance to the Concentration camp in Germany.

This picture always suck the joy out of me,

cos i dint get to go & explore the gas chamber! grrrr, thanks to someone.

ahahaha, okay. my group plus Jarnah knows how sadist i am about the concentration camp thing. haha, other than that, it wasn't that morbid or scaaary. -.-

haha.

Okay,

Today was a hothotheat day, yo!

We haaaad truckloads of fun, kan girlies?

heee, we had SPA todaaay.

and there's no fruits/veggies to cut!

daaaamn, i studied the labelling lor.

waasted, but i managed to do it! yaaaaaaay,

Zinc Carbonate lah oi! hee. okay whatever.

went to Pizza hut for lunch with the guys.

There was enough tables for the 12 of us,

so we sat seperately. girls with girls. heee,

ordered and talked all that.

& this is the best part;

while we were eating, suddenly the waitress came up with the bill.

so i just nodded my head lah cos i thought she just wanted to pass us the bill.

but it turned out to be a receipt.

with the exact same orders as ours,

and already paid for! haha.

with change okeh, $11+

we were like laughing la and came up with 1001 theories. haha.

in the end, we finished up quickly and just left. aha,

we divided the moneyyy la abeh, LOL.

and decided to take neoprints to mark our Gotcha! day.

LOLOL,

&&&& since there's like 78945641 people, we walked around.

& i saaaw someone! hahaha,

i still think he's sombong, LOL!
Then again&again la.

ahaha.

okaaaay, it was like funnnnyy la.

a blast okay! <3

okay,

whats all the fuss about?

Its just Hari Raya,

i love you guys alot.

But come on la, i thought Hari Raya is supposed to be forgiving and to strengthen ties?

then whats this?

I'm sorry for being so crude,

But reaaaally.

what happened to the Jiwa?

the all-for-one&one-for-all?

tsk.

so, whats on tomorrow?

2007-10-17T03:30:00.000-07:00

okay, nonstop study sessions in school.

ohhh, how i love it.

mainly in the company of dearly beloved friends! heee, who wouldnt?

ok ok.

we had M&M's and cookies thanks to Miss Victoria.

hahaha.

okaaaaaaaaay,

Had lunch with Felina.

actually i wanted to get a hairclip,

but we grabbed some lunch and headed for starbucks. LOL!

it was such a sinful indulgence, reaaalllyyy!

I swear i won't be eating dinner. haha.

Had those girl-to-girl talks with Felina,

she's such a cupcake.

pity Syaza wasn't around. tskkk.

anywaaaaay, Felinaaaa!

it was fun and we should do it agaaaain!

Loveyaaaaaaa!

okay,

HAAAAAPPPPYYYYY SIXTEEEEEEN SYAAAZZAAA! <3

love ya, (:

2007-10-16T01:00:00.000-07:00

I know I'm a tad late,
nevertheless, Happy Eid Mubarak! hee, (:

This year Raya was okay.
But Honestly, I miss Ramadhan alot.
I'm ashamed of myself for not frequenting the Mosque for Terawih,
or sometimes, even neglect my daily prayers.
To me, Ramadhan is the time where i feel safe and good,
Cos God is hearing out to my prayers.
Especially the last ten days,
instead i gave excuses for skipping Terawih.
Ramadhan is supposed to be the most Holy month for the year,
I feel quite sad that Ramadhan has left us & My grandma too.
However, I'm quite glad she passed away during Ramadhan,
seeing how holy it is.

okay, back to Raya.
It was normal, just like any other year.
But, i don't really care about money this year.
I'm pretty much contented getting to have my whole family on Raya itself.
Cos the last time, my sister was away in Australia and my brother had to work,
so now, I'm haaapppyyyy!
Hari Raya;
to me, its all about strengthening family ties and meeting up those longlost relatives.
Its also where we forgive and forget what has happened, looking forward to the New Year.
Not only within Islam, but with other races as well.
haha, so yeahhh. Super hot&meaningful raya! :D

Since my aunt&uncle was awaay for Umrah on Raya,
we didn't celebrate as much.
But it was still fun la.
ohyes,
But the Raya that i'm looking forward to is Hari Raya Haji cos it'll be in KL (probably)
HAAA, fun lah over there.
Pictures are still with Hakim,
maybe i'll be posting it on Monday with other pictures. heee,

OKAY BYE!

ATTENTION SACHICKS;

HARI RAYA OUTING WILL BE ON FRIDAY [19THOCT] AT 11AM.
MEEET AT THE USUAL PLACE.
TEXT/PM ME IF YRE STILL AS BLUR AS A SOTONG.

2007-10-11T06:09:00.000-07:00

heee, went to the Salon with the Cupcakes!

Heee, i cut my hair but not today la.

and now its frigging short!

Nvm, must be daring sometimes! hee.

I miss my long curls, sighhhh. but it'll grow.

Had fun at the Salon

& break fast at Tia's place.

ahahaha, bought alot of foood uh! wooots!

it was superblyyyy fun! :D

I had a wonderful birthdaaaay.

A very sweeet sixteen indeed.

Thankyou to those who wished me and stayed up at midnight to wish me;

Natiara, Syaza, Natasha, Meutia, Rauf, Emy, Fairuzana, Fiqah Faezah, Albany, Fawwaz, Felina, Rauf, Faiz, Naq, Davin, Suhaimi, Khai, Regena, Jovin & dearest Jarnah. haha.

Ohyes, to those who wished me up on Friendster and those who i forgot.

heee,

Ohyes, Amos made my day by calling me a spoiler.

He didn't forget cos he wanted to be the last to wish me. haaaa, <3

Ohyes, thanks to these people for the presents, yo!

[Sister&Brother] Thanks kakak for the Starbucks bottle and voucher, Cake and the Card.

Abang, Thanks for my birthday haircut. hee,

and dearest Aunt for the Isetan voucher! <3

[Rauf] Thanks for the brooch with the pricetag! ahaha, and for wishing me every hour! <3

[Adeliaaa & Regenaaa] Thanks for the ohso cute mug! hee, i love it lah! <3

[FarhanSuhaimi] Thanks for the ohso cute card and the Famous Amos; ahaha. ohwell, you wouldn't have given me if it weren't for that favour. LOL!

Thankyouuuu for making it such a fun sweeeet sixteeeen!

2007-10-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAH,

LIKE FINAAAAAAALLLLYYY EHHH?

HAPPPPPYYY SWEEEET SIXTEEN TO DHAII! (:

isweari'mretarded.

butwhocares?

Itsmybirthday.HAAA,

& i blew a candle,

and made a wish..

Dear God,

OKAAAY DONE.

2007-10-06T06:46:00.000-07:00

Finally, i'm okay.
Not fine, but okay.
Thanks to ALOT of people, i love you guys airplaneloads! <3

Yesterday marked the end of the school year for the graduating students.
It was really saddening, eventhough we did not go through a proper Grad ceremony.
Its being postponed to the 16th of November & Prom is still on the 20th of November.

anyhoos, i love my class to death.
I still remembered the first month of last year,
when we were still warming up to each other.
Till now, there has been alot of change.
I love 4E5 eventhough we had our share of misunderstanding, arguments and what nots.
& to those who got retained, All the best for your EOYs.

we made most of our teachers cried,
we laughed & we joked.
Especially the Interclass games,
we had our share of "Loansharks"
we went through Adam Khoo workshop together,
embarrassed ourselves on stage.
We thought of stupid ideas for the last phototaking,
we painted the class again.
We failed as a class and shared glory together.
How we supported Faezah,Peggy,XuanQing&Azumi for Jy superstars, the Rugby boys and the Basketball boys. How we managed to pull through for the class tee fiasco.
We started as class and now, we end as a class.
Eventhough we're not the most perfect class,
we're the most notorious Express class;
i'm sure we could all make it.
so, all the best 4E5! <3

I love 4E5(:

to Larlene Quek,

here is my Heartfelt thanks.

for being the best treasurer & helping out with almost everything!

Especially Cross Country when no one wanted to do it.

Thanks alot!

Without you, we wouldn't know what to do.

haha, & sorry cos me & Khai kit are like the worst chairperson ever.

HAHAH, you're like a real wonderwoman!

Collecting money, begging people to pay

& of course, the paint and everything.

reaaaallly, things wouldn't have happen if not for you.

Thanks alot!

&& all the best to you! <3

so now, High School has ended.

what's next?

2007-10-05T07:51:00.000-07:00

Regret;

Remorse, Dissapointment, Loss rolled into one.

I never knew it would come this soon,

that I'd see that day you'd be in your grave.

I'm putting myself back together,

yet regret still lingers around me.

Each time i pray in your room,

I'd feel that you're right there.

Tears can't help but fall,

Did i manage to say sorry for all my wrongdoings?

Knowing you're not there anymore,

knowing you won't hold my hand anymore.

Knowing that you're gone forever more,

would i still be strong?

I saw how they put you in your gave,

how the gravels and stones just fall on top.

I saw how they buried you,

How they wrapped the white cloth around you.

I saw how you were put inside the casket,

and how they shifted you in the graveyard.

I saw how they put you in the room for the night,

and i saw how you looked like.

But i didn't get to see you take your last breathe,

i didn't get to seek forgiveness.

I didn't get to say I'm sorry,

for the all times you lived in my house.

You're still in my prayers.

2007-10-02T05:40:00.000-07:00

(caution: this post is going to be saddening, to me that is)

so, F*** off if you think I'm being too emotional. Thankyou.

The start of this week wasn't pleasant.

I had been looking forward to this month, partly `cos of my upcoming sweet sixteen.

But things don't always go the way you want it to be.

It never does..

On monday [011007]

I know that my Grandma was sick,

`cos according to the doctor, she had little time left.

we went to her place on Sunday to break fast & she looked normal.

so, i assumed she was fine.

In school, I already had that peculiar feeling that something bad was going to happen.

Yet, i failed to pay any attention to it.

I even waited for Syaza and Felina to end their classes.

& even had a chat with Mrs Ramos, Fawwaz, Albany.

I wanted to go home even later, actually.

But i regretted..

I receieved a call at 4pm saying my Grandma was breathing her final breathe and my sister told me to come down asap.

I didn't bring money so i could not hail a cab.

ThankGod, the bus came on time.

I was praying i could reach there on time.

In the bus, my sister called.

She said it was too late,

that my grandma had passed away.

I cried on the spot,

i was overwhelmed by guilt and sadness rolled into one.

If only i had trusted my instinct.

I saw the signs, why didn't I trust them?

Tears just fell & I was even hoping my sister was lying just to make me come home quick.

When i reached my aunt's place,

in the room; there she laid.

Wrapped in white cloth and Kain Batik.

Her knees wasn't straight, it was bended & her eyes haf-opened.

She looked as if she was sleeping.

My heart ached.

The grandma who used to go around with an umbrella hitting people just because they haven't prayed was not breathing.

The grandma who would hold on to my hand tightly and never let go after she was bedridden.

The grandma who lived with me for five years was no longer around.

What saddens me the most was that i did not get to see her;

I read and read the Yasin, thats the only thing i could do.

Everyone was solemn. & we could only bury her the next day; which is today.

Tuesday[021007]

I didn't go to school today,

I told most people I was lazy but only a few knows the truth.

I don't wish to burden anyone anymore.

I woke up early just to reach there.

By that time, they were preparing to bath her first.

At first, i was quite okay,

up till the time they put her corpse outside to pray.

I wanted to burst.

Seeing my grandma there; liveless was really unbearable.

Everyone was practically crying and lucky, Haziq was there to support me.

When i kissed and hugged my Grandma,

her cold body made me want to cry.

I forgotten to seek forgiveness for any wrong I've done to her,

I never thought her day would come this soon.

It really hurts to see the person kafankan my grandma.

no words could describe.

we went to the cemetary. The best part was i rode in a Convertible.

Seeing her corpse underground and putting rocks and sand, covering her for good;

it hurts even worst.

I managed to pour the water and flowers over her grave,

she is now safe with God;

But i can't see her anymore.

Ya Tuhan, Ampunilah segala dosa nenekku. Cucurilah rahmatnya.

Tamankanlah kuburnya ke SyurgaMu. Kuatkanlah Iman keluarga kami.

Ya Tuhan, Letaklah Nenekku ke pangkat Muslimah-Muslimah yg Soleha dan Ibu/Nenek yg soleha.

Ya Tuhan, berikanlah Nenekku menjawab soalan-soalan dengan Lidah yang Fasih.

Selamatkannya dari Seksaan Api Neraka dan letakkannya ke Syurga dan mendapatkan Syafaat Nabi Muhammad S.A.W.

Amin.

To Fawwaz, Felina, Davin, Khai, Rauf, Amos, Gary & Regena.

Thankyou so much for helping me through the darkest period of my life.

I love you guys doubly much. <3

Fawwaz especially, i didn't expect you of all people to understand.

Thankyou so much for helping me out.

you're like truly a good friend. & i wouldn't know what I'd do without you.

To the rest of my friends,

its not that I don't regard you guys as friends;

But with O'levels and EOYs, I didn't want you guys to worry.

and with this, Grandma will forever be in my Memory, my Heart and My prayers.

I love you, grandma. :(

2007-09-29T08:55:00.000-07:00

i laid out my revision schedule for today,

eventhough i only slept at 6am today and woke up at 12pm.

But,

Things went unplanned;

For a moment there, i had pictures to post.

Now, i don't even feel like posting.

I don't even know what to do.

I'm lethargic & sick;

but its nothing compared to being emotionally drained.

i don't know what to say or think,

i read & read the Yasin alot of times.

praying & praying.

help me anyone?

2007-09-28T10:58:00.000-07:00

Tell me something i don't know/

why must life be so hard?

Maybe cos its never easy.

greaaaat, now; im answering my own questions.

2007-09-28T08:03:00.001-07:00

270907;

Those who cracks me up in class every single day.

well, partlyyyy.

Arnold's

Credits to natasha for the photography.

& me for the water droplet. (:

Failed attempt of a ripple effect

Overdue pictures of the Break-fast with the friends.

Ohhhhsooo sorrrry. (:

Okaaay, i've been pretty lethargic these past few days.

I've been studying Math nonstop.

At home, during free periods & recesses.

After school, i'll spend at least 2hrs alone or with a companion just to do Math in the canteen/library.

Lucky for me, there would be Mr Ang, Clarence & his friends to help me out.

If not, i'd really be lost.

As for today, i dozed off trying to understand a Math sum.

It was really tiring especially since i slept late the night before,

& no pre-dawn meal cos i was just too tired to wake up.

GAAAAAAAAAAAH.

But this will all be worth it;

Just four weeks of this and its over.

I'm counting on my friends to make myself optimistic.

Oh, Airplaneloads of Thanks to Amos, Natasha, Jarnah, Felina, Clarence, Syaza, Meutia, Khai, Rauf and Faris for constantly giving me encouragement & motivation. (:

&&&& also to Hidie, Naq & Ihsan. haha.

okaaaay, Lets resume the late-night muggings, Coffee, Music & hardwork towards the desired 11points! (:

2007-09-27T02:48:00.000-07:00

its raining with lightning & thunder;

i walked in the rain, thinking & thinking.

i wished the lightning would strike me & melt away my sorry existence.

but, i didn't.

maybe i could try it again another day.

i dissapointed my parents, time and again.

i didn't expect prelims result to be atrocious.

i was dissapointed beyond words.

The feeling of such dissapointment still lingers around me when i was revising.

i just couldn't get the thought of being a failure far, far away.

Maybe i didn't study hard enough.

To think i focused on Core Geography only to get a stinking B4,

when i was 9marks away from a passing grade for Math.

English; a subject where i'd usually do well.

but no, i got a B4 as well.

okay, to some maybe B4 is good.

but to me, it really suck.

i wanted to cry, but it was my mistake.

Crying won't make me get an A for English. it doesn't work that way.

Science; okay expected that for Biology.

But Chemistry?

there and then, my mood dampened.

I know i shouldn't be dwelling on my prelims but really, its disheartening.

I don't know how i'm gonna do it.

but i will.

i've got my targets all set so, right now; Hardwork is all i need.

okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

i officially want to burst into tears.

The thought of going to Aerospace Electronics crumbled into teeny-weeny bits.

i don't know how i'm going to fare for the 4weeks that i'm left with.

God, please give me strength.

2007-09-21T20:55:00.000-07:00

Ucapkanlah kasih

Satu kata yang kunantikan

Sebab ku tak mampu membaca matamu

Mendengar bisikmu

Nyanyikanlah kasih

Senandung kata hatimu

Sebab ku tak sanggup mengartikan getar ini

Sebab ku meragu pada dirimu

-Ada Cinta, Acha&Irwansyah

It certainly felt weird,

to be overwhelmed by this peculiar feeling.

maybe i'm the one over-reacting?

well, maybe.

it really sucks to know all along that i'm the fool,

to be played a game that i want no part in.

ohyes, you're pretty good in the game that i don't want to play.

As always, he certainly knows how to make me tongue-tied.

leaving me speechless,

I'm amazed.

How you managed to let my feelings go wild,

& how you managed to make me forget who i really am.

before i met you.

oh well, thats pretty much it.

Geee, i'm missing Rauf like asdfghjkl!

haaah, i haven't get to meet him these past few days due to Prelims.

ohhkaaay, i really need to talk to him.

but he always replies 78965434 minutes later,

laoahsyegahjkdoegabdjdafagshey :(

okaaay, i'm done.

i miss my bestfriend.

Ada Cinta is playing on repeat. hee,

2007-09-20T01:14:00.001-07:00

the best damn thing;

Friends for Four years, yo! They're the Hotfudge on the sundae & the sprinkles to my Icecreams! <3>

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, i love my kawans-kawans!

2007-09-17T07:11:00.000-07:00

play me a melody,

like you did last summer

Every chord gives euphoria,

each strum lends a little bit of adrenaline.

Every string make my knees go weak,

& just so you know; your music is a one way ticket reminisceVille.

i dont want to be in love

2007-09-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

helloh;

today was ohso tiring.

went to Tanjong Katong Complex so early in the morning,

pssst, i still think 11am is early :D

at first, i was certain that i didn't want to celebrate hari raya,

due to the upcoming O's

but mummy wanted to & yeah,

i bought for myself two. LOL.

okaaaaaaaaaay, the design is like wayway nice ohkay.

did i mention it was my first time going to Geylang wet market.

ohyes, it felt weird. hoho.

so many people & so hot;

heaaat stroke uh.

okaay, i lied.

while mummy was busy finding hers, i took pictures.

okaaay & my aunt paid for my Kebaya. thankyou aunt! <3

heh, okaaay went home.

slept(:

went to aunt's house to break fast.

& blabla.

ohyes, Thanks to Fawwaz.

Fawwaz told me to imagine myself killing him to vent anger.

it worked wonders.

thankyou "hotstuff"

HAAAAA.

& Faris tk helpful.

aku taknak tolong kau ngn Fanatic kau uh. LOL! xD

Tes Yuex, J'en reve Jour et nuit

tell me about it, yeah/

2007-09-14T05:03:00.000-07:00

oh. its not that i fancy photography,

its just that there isn't any photos on poetry.

haha, the best photograhers i know are;

natasha, jarnah, ain syafawani & naqiyah

plus Felina too

ohhhh, they take the absolute best photos, for sure yo!

haha.

dearest blogspot,

Geography paper 2 was a total killer

i could have died doing the paper.

i drew nonsensical diagrams cos i didn't know what to write.

i couldn't focus,

nevertheless; what i studied last minute came out.

Thank God.

But it took me ages to figure out what was the baby bonus scheme.

i think i'm about to flunk, for the first time.

i'm so dissapointed can!

grrrr, monday.

i have to do well for maths, Oh Please.

History has already been revised.

except China, i think imma skip that for prelims.

its driving me nuts.

Bio hasn't even been touched & POA too.

Mdm Kho wants me to excel,

but POA has been rather confusing.

ohwell, jus got to try.

GEEEEEEEE

i'm afraid i can't get my desired point,

my oh my

i'd cry i tell you.

but i'd definitely work extra harder, really & truly.

My heart is empty without you

Sometimes you don't know what to do

And I need you tonight

I'll fall asleep and it's alright

Close my eyes and I'll be by your side

Let's spend tonight on top of the world

And we can do anything

We can be anything

I'll meet you tonight on top of the world

As real as it seems

You're only in my dreams

- On top of the world; Boys Like Girls

♥

2007-09-13T08:02:00.000-07:00

i think i'm the egg.
GAAAH, im duper stressed out.
i screwed up my prelims; for sure!
its not that i haven't been studying, its that i can't.
my moodswings are coming, i'm afraid.
i'm ashamed of what i said to amos and khai.
its not their fault,
gee, i just have no idea what's going on.
enlighten me anyone?
prelims are the gauge for the big O's
and if i can't even do well, what about the O'levels?
i'm duper afraid.
i have no positive mindset. (GAAAAH)
to top it all of,
Geography paper 2 is tomorrow.
will i be able to pass? a distinction like always, perharps?
tell me about it,

its not that i don't want to study,
its that i can't.
yre tangled in my thoughts,
interrupting my concentration.
just tell me you've moved on,
and i swear to God,
i would cry my last cry and move on.
i need an explanation.

with less-than-ten-minus-six words,
wondergirl(:

2007-09-10T08:40:00.000-07:00

okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

haha, i'm getting nervous due to my science practical exams tmr.

golllyyyy, i'm just afraid of screwing things up.

haha, what if i don't get what compound is used for chemistry?

or i don't know how to label?

GOD, give me the strength.

anyywaaay, i didn't get to see him.

that's a first. hoho.

besides, we're walking towards different paths.

maybe this is the right one?

i'm not too sure either.

Haikal been telling me to let it go.

HAHAH, yes; my inferior is saying that to me.

but i'm not to sure either.

well, whatever it is;

i'm beginning to accept his decision.

prelims and o'levels makes a good distraction, anyway.

so, i think its better if i use the energy on studying. heh,

*macam faham la dhaii

LOLOL,

&& to those taking Science Practical Prelims, Good luck yall!

i think i'm in need of all the luck i can get. geeee.

muchlove(:

2007-09-07T08:19:00.000-07:00

look up tonight,
you won't see the stars that bright.
just weeps of regret,
filling the dead silence of the night.
you walked away,
too many times without a goodbye to say.
thoughts are tangled in my mind,
but i'm keeping it all inside.
though it stings like hell,
it always comes back to you & me.
help me let go,
let me free from these beautiful memories.
i dont want to waste another day,
reliving in the shadow of what used to.
i dont wish to be stuck in between,
the thoughts that would break me down.
so, tell me would you even remember us now?

i don't know who is this for,

i just wanted to let go of everything.

maybe it should end where it started.

i don't know what is wrong.

maybe this is for the best.

& this is where our love story ends;

2007-09-04T22:24:00.000-07:00

i need you.

i need help.

things aren't going great.

help me anyone?

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

2007-09-02T06:10:00.000-07:00

courtesy of Deviantart

with reference to the previous post;

i finally know the truth, but it wasn't from you.

i wanted to hear it from your mouth,

but no, i didn't get to.

now, everyday is a raining day.

the cards that i laid down was a fluke.

and now, everything was wasted.

i should have just asked,

& now, finally my mind is in peace.

today, went out with jovin to study.

thanks for lunch! (:

studied history on Russia.

bloody hell, one difficult topic!

&& i'm still not done with it.

Gillian met us and chatted as well.

after which, xueyi came.

they talked&talked.

jovin is really evil. hahah.

i swear she's a monster. LOLOL.

went home & mum is screaming at me cos my fever is high.

hahaha. my head hurts & i'm playing with ice. ((:

i know i'm weird bt it keeps my fever cool.

okaay, i need to go off.

my mum threatens to pull the plug and there goes my post for todaaay.

hahahaha, bye!

2007-09-01T08:56:00.000-07:00

to the place where broken promises are left;

"all i want to do is to be there for you"

you did say that, or was i mistaken.

i deleted everything. (read: EVERYTHING)

yet, i still haven't gotten over it.

don't ask me to be like you,

i'm different.

don't tell me to quicken anything,

i'm too slow.

oh baby,

don't tell me to forget about it.

you jolly well know i can't.

its not that i don't want to,

its that i can't.

those memories are haunting me,

and you; you're continuing your life as it is.

maybe i should too.

if you don't give two hoots about it, why should i?

wasting time and tears for something that isn't right.

my friends tried telling me,

and now i'm heeding what they said.

who knows? i could do better.

your promises are now resting in peace, at the grave.

didn't i lay my cards?

why didn't i read the fine print that goes along with it?

instead, i got smitten too easily.

and with this,

i end everything there is.

you're still the first person i said iLoveyou too, eventhough you weren't the first bf

i got more self-worth than you would ever wish to have,

and it starts now.

2007-08-31T07:26:00.001-07:00

sigh.

i'm really shagged.

this week has been one heck of a emotional rollercoaster.

sorry friends;

if i worried you in any way.

or to those whom i misunderstood/misintercept what you said.

yeah, my fault. i'm sorry.

the class tee fiasco ended.

it drained me off my energy.

despite having high fever, i still came to school.

to get preparations for teachers' day done.

one hell of a day.

nevertheless, it ended.

thankgod, if it didn't;

i swear i would have killed myself.

i'm not having much of an appetite.

but even if i did, it'd be icecream & chocolates.

i have no taste for any other food.

the speaker has been playing the same song over & over again,

my screensaver shows the same picture again.

ohmy, tell me where i've gone wrong.

things aren't getting any better.

i wanna get away.

hopefully, things will get better over the hols.

i'm in desperate need for a relaxation.

but studying is the first priority.

i'm superduper shagged.

ohplease; help me, anyone?

and the feelings are getting back to me.

GAAAH.

& i need you now more than ever.

2007-08-21T06:59:00.000-07:00

oh, my brother just told me its 62days away from the Big O's.

apparently, PRSS has a banner that is counting down to the start of the O'levels.

scared? petrified? nervous? sad? anxious?

all of the above.

i'm scared out of my wits.

what if i fail?

and if i pass, would i be able to get my desired course?

questions attacking me nonstop.

i can't take the feeling, i'm scared.

reaaallyy, what should i do?

my oral was way way beyond messed-up.

it was too much, oral.

how could i have screwed it up?

i guess my mind wasn't at all on the oral.

and it really sucks.

i felt like bawling all after the orals.

but, even if i did, it wouldn't solve anything.

the two dearlyloved brothers told me not to be sad.

gosh, i wished amos was here.

i miss my didi, badly.

he'd always know what to say.

its jus another step to the O's.

i'll make sure i'll ace my written paper.

let's pray.

i know i can and i will.

zebras are reaaalllyyyy cute. (:

2007-08-18T08:02:00.000-07:00

& life ain't all that.

it really hurts to be in this state.

where did all your promises go?

down the stupid drain?

so much for that.

five days without you,

marks a brand new chapter of my life.

imy=(

2007-08-12T02:41:00.000-07:00

written by Jarnah during the trip

ahaha, i miss them can? LOL.

ohoh, the final post has been updated at the Germany blog.

ThankGod, i'm finally done. heh.

2007-08-10T04:00:00.001-07:00

National Day Two

the official one laaa! heh.

so yeah.

was supposed to go out with the dearest GFs and sham!

but no, my parents had other plans.

hurhur.

set out to City Hall at about 4plus.

met dad at Penin cos he works there.

alot of people seh.

bought BK cos we were starving.

and headed towards the Padang area.

alot of people laaa sehh.

but we headed towards the waterfront between Fullerton Hotel and Esplanade.

nice view uh but tiring seh.

got to take the jets and the Helicopters!

alot fo attention-seekers suddenly singing some NDP song.

pffft, must be so patriotic meh?

the fireworks were ohso brilliant!

set off to simpang Bedok, took no. 10.

hell loads of people.

ate and yeah, waited 45mins for food.

and i think i left my wallet in the cab. knn seh.

arghh.

i lost my inspiration right after you said that.

so, who is to blame?

2007-08-10T03:48:00.001-07:00

so yeah.

it was national day ONE.

heeeh, meaning it was in school.

goodness, the celebration was B-A-D.

there was no performance unlike the previous years.

and no new NDP song.

(i love the new one! xD)

class interaction turned out to be some lecture on cheating.

and photo-session.

the black background in class made it like some kind of studio.

haaaa.

funfair was basically OHKAAY.

no haunted house cos the 5N who were the pro in this were graduating.

the sec3 haunted house wasn't that scarryyy at all.

the food were ohkay and so were the drinks.

the tug-of-war was funny.

and so was Ath's class with the throwing sponges at Fairus, WeeKiat and some others.

but me and jannah only threw it at Fairus and Weekiat. hoho!

so yeah, an ohkay ndp in school.

after which, we caught the movie Alone.

scarrry sia. fking full of suspense.

and fik was getting on my nerves. haha.

to be continued..

2007-08-08T04:52:00.000-07:00

Things wasn't really that great today.

it was supposed to be a fun day at school;

with all those photo-sessions and food-eating.

i had quite a time with my friends.

but already early in the morning, the first person i saw in school was him.

god, and i remembered everything that had happened.

click! i remembered his words.

Click! i remembered how he'd hold my hand.

Click! i remembered that cupid effect.

Then, everything began crumbling.

i did try to hide everything by laughing and joking around.

and it blew off.

after school ended, i decided to wait for Fik since we were catching a movie.

they were at the AVA room for the auditions.

and the person i saw when i first went up was him.

yeah, dancing.

and the guys were all so amazed of his skills and kept on wanting to watch him.

it hurts like hell watching him.

i wanted to lock myself in the toilet and cry,

but i decided to brace myself.

i decided not to let my emotions take over.

the last time when i was sitting with kamil and hanis,

and then they came.

so i went off.

it seems like his friend was there. and yeah, hurts again.

went to meet up with sha, bany and sham.

took the 21 bus.

and i walked to TM.

it was exactly where we had walked.

and yes, reminiscing was what happened next.

reallyyy sia.

must be some sort of bad luck.

and the cinema we went to was even the same.

fk sia. pffft.

i'm having troubles getting you out of the way

yes boy, i did cry.

cried until there's no longer any tears left.

cried until all the words that was left unsaid spilled out.

cried until i have troubles calming myself down.

thankyou.

2007-08-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

First and Foremost, Happy sweet sixteen dearest!

May you overcome future endeavors at ease.

and always be happy!

don't fret about anything else okay?

Take care okaaaay!

O'levels coming up and we must score! heh.

Four years and counting(: